04/18/99 Birthday Wishes Araxdelan (krycekluvsmulder@hotmail.com) Disclaimer- Let's just call this my birthday present, Chris. Summary- They say that in life, you have to make your own happiness... Rating/Warnings- NC-17. Be warned, shameless, pointless, un-betaed smut ahead. But it's my birthday, and I can do what I want, dammit! Notes- Well, my birthday is today, so I figured, heck, why don't I write myself some birthday fic? My party isn't for another week, and I dearly hope it's not as boring. My apologies to my friends and family. And I really would fall down if I tried kickboxing in my new blue birthday dress :o) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Araxdelan trudged slowly through the rough gravel of the parking lot, trying to maneuver the uneven surface confidently in her stiletto heels. She smoothed the front of her new blue dress self-consciously. She knew that with the exception of her leather jacket, she was not wearing the right attire for this meeting. //But who cares?// she thought. //This is much better than my birthday party!// She had recently fled her birthday party; partly of boredom, partly of curiosity at who would want to secretly meet her in a dark empty warehouse at such a late hour. //This is *so* cool! I *never* get to do stuff like this! I guess my wish of having a more interesting life finally came true.// The birthday girl brightened at the thought, and began to saunter towards the warehouse. When she reached the door, she felt a bit of nervous trepidation. //This could be dangerous...// She suddenly had the unnatural urge to be carrying a weapon. Or at least to be wearing clothing that didn't restrict her movement to the point where she'd end up falling down if she even tried to kick anybody. //Stupid tight dress! Dumb, uncomfortable, strappy!shoes.// She stood in front of the door, and smoothed her long curly brown hair back, as she considered her options. //I could go in and risk getting killed, or I could go back to my party...// She thought back to the events of the day. She remembered sitting, surrounded by her companions, silently reciting a line from Seinfeld in her head- George says, "Your birthday's a horrible day! Everyone you know is over, and you're thinking '*these are my friends...*'" And Jerry then mumbles, "Everyday is my birthday." That always cracked her up. Until she realized how true it was. Add to that the fact that almost all of her loud, opinionated, argumentative, Greek speaking family was there as well, and you had an Araxdelan torture chamber. And the party just dragged on and on, Araxdelan spending most of it politely nodding and trying to look absorbed in boring conversations. Somehow, she had managed to slip away, to follow up a mysterious birthday card. A plain envelope slipped in her mailbox, with nothing but her name on it. The card itself had a picture of a birthday present on it. The present was wrapped in unusual paper, all covered in question marks, and adorned with a large bow. The card read "A special birthday surprise is in store...". The inside of the card had been blank, until someone scrawled an address and time on it. Nothing more, nothing less. Araxdelan had immediately recognized the address. It was one of the abandoned warehouses, very near to the house where her birthday party was being held. She had laughed when she found the card, expecting the entire thing to be a joke played on her by her friends. But she then realized that all her friends were going to be at her party that night, and therefore couldn't be the perpetrators of the plan. Now, as she sat in front of the mysterious warehouse, she didn't have a clue as to what could be inside. But she did know one thing.... this was exciting. *Really* exciting. And she was having more fun than she'd had in a long while. //I'm such an adrenaline junkie!// Araxdelan grabbed the handle of the door, and pushed, not really expecting it to be open. But it was. She stepped into the darkness. She shut the door behind herself, and examined the room. It was pitch black inside, except for a small pool of light illuminating a giant birthday cake. She stepped forward, towards the cake. She could tell by the size and appearance of the cake that it wasn't real. So she wasn't very surprised when the top of the cake exploded open. She *was* surprised to see who jumped out of it. Araxdelan's mouth dropped open, and she licked her lips. Sitting, half-way out of the top of the cake, naked as jaybirds, were Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "*Hap-py* birthday to me!" Araxdelan said. "So," Krycek said, smiling, "do you like it?" "I don't know, maybe I should make sure it fits..." "But you haven't even opened it all yet!" complained Mulder. He threw something at Araxdelan, and she caught it. It was a small box metallic box, with a switch on it. "Should I flip it, or will that blow the building up?" she asked, jokingly. Krycek threw her a smoldering look. "Feeling dangerous?" She flipped the switch. Suddenly, the room was bathed in soft light, and music began playing. She could now see the rest of the large room. In the corner sat a long table, piled high with luscious food. Underneath the table sat boxes of what appeared to be party games. In the middle of the room there was a large oak bed, swathed with mosquito netting. It was covered with pillows and silky sheets, and looked terribly inviting. She turned back to face the two men. They were both smiling at her. "Well?" they asked. "Bravo!" she replied, using her Greek accent. "Come on boys, what are you still doing in that cake?" The men chuckled, and climbed out of the cake, revealing not bare asses, but speedos. "Hey! What are you wearing clothes for?" Mulder smiled as Krycek rolled the giant cake out of view. "We wanted you to have something to unwrap." he explained. Krycek came to stand by Mulder's side, and they watched Araxdelan expectantly. //Hmm... so many possibilities.// She was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed. She glanced about, and saw the pile of boxes on the floor. //TWISTER!// She grabbed the box, and carried it over towards the bed area, which was carpeted. With a flourish, she unfolded the Twister mat. She grabbed the spinner, and turned towards the men, who were waiting for her order. "Boys, boys, boys." she said, shaking her head. "This isn't the army, you don't have to stand at attention. C'mon, have some fun!" The men grinned and approached Araxdelan. They plopped down cross-legged on the floor. Araxdelan kicked off her shoes and climbed up onto the bed, determined to get the best view. "Alright, Mulder, you go first." "How come Mulder gets to go first?" Krycek complained. "Because it's my birthday, and I get to make up the rules. Right hand, red." Mulder obeyed her command. "Your turn, Krycek. Left foot, yellow" Mulder peered up at Araxdelan from his strained position on the brightly colored game surface. "Your turn. Strip to your undies and get down here!" She looked thoughtful for a moment, before she shook her head in refusal. "No no. This is a slash story. No room for naked women here." Mulder and Krycek looked disappointed. "You sure?" asked Krycek. She observed them, tangled on the floor, half-naked. //Yao-za!!// "Uhhh.." she cleared her throat, and tried to even out her shaky tone. "Yeah, I'm good. Mulder, left foot green." Araxdelan watched the boys play for awhile, until Mulder fell and ended the game. After a short argument where Mulder accused Krycek of tripping him (which Krycek vehemently denied) they moved on. When the boys asked her what she wanted to do next, Araxdelan looked towards the desserts on the food table, and felt them beckoning her. She padded towards the food in her bare feet, hissing when the carpet ended and her skin hit the cold floor. When she reached the table, she gasped as she got her first good look at the banquet set out for her. Besides birthday cake (a *real* birthday cake) with "Happy Birthday Fag Hag!" written in the frosting, there were four different kinds of cookies, small cooler filled with Godiva Ice cream, fresh strawberries, whipped cream... she licked her lips. //I know what I want...// She grabbed a strawberry, and then turned to face Mulder and Krycek, smiling evily as she bit into the fruit. "Strip each other." They moved to do so. "But..." they stopped in their tracks, "you can only use your teeth." She leaned back against the table, careful not to let her hair dangle into any of the food, and watched them expectantly. They grinned back at her, and went to it, enjoying themselves in the process.. When they were finished, (and after Araxdelan had to reprimand them several times for getting distracted from their task), Araxdelan grabbed one of the cans of whipped cream, walked up to Mulder, and whispered in his ear, "Sit still." She ran her free hand up and down the front of Mulder's well-toned body once, and then began the process of making him edible. She swirled the cream onto his shoulders, down his chest, over his groin. "I hope you like whipped cream Krycek. It's your job to clean him up." Two cans of whipped cream later, and she had a Mulder tort. She admired her handy-work, and couldn't help but take a lick at Mulder's neck. "Tsk tsk tsk." Krycek admonished. "You're cheating. *I'm* supposed to be the one cleaning him up." Araxdelan turned around slowly, and approached Krycek, grabbing another can of cream on the way, and shaking it slowly. //Rrrooaaw... I know I said I wouldn't get involved, but...// She licked Krycek's bare chest, up his neck, and captured his mouth with her own. Before she could get carried away, she broke the kiss, and began to create a whip cream Krycek. When she finished, she turned the men to face each other, and pushed them together. They made a squishing sound, as they joined to form one delicious dessert. "You know, I liked the other two cakes you got me, I *really* do, but I do believe this is the nicest birthday cake I've ever seen." Mulder looked in Krycek's eyes, and said, "I'd *definatly* have to agree." Krycek growled and pulled Mulder into a passionate kiss. Araxdelan watched delightedly as the two men pawed at each other, getting whipped cream on the floor and in each other's hair. "I wonder if whipped cream makes good lube..." Araxdelan thought aloud. Krycek broke the kiss for just a moment, to say, "No, I think it would be too sticky." "Well," Mulder purred, "we can always find out." And with that, the men resumed kissing. The whipped cream on their lower bodies repeatedly parted and re-melded, as their cream covered cocks slickly thrust against each other. Once again, they were squishing. It was almost enough to make Araxdelan laugh. *Almost.* She began to hum "Happy Birthday to Me" as Mulder and Krycek's mouths began to travel across each others bodies, and some of the whipped cream began to disappear into two sensuously shaped mouths. They began to move towards the bed, //Yes! Oh yeah! Go, go, go...wait a minute.. what about the sheets?// and rub against each other frantically. //Best birthday ever...// "Araxdelan?" //What the hell?// "Honey? "Earth to Araxdelan!" "Phhbbb... I bet I know what she's thinking about. Her and her disgusting fanfic..." "What's fanfic?" "Nevermind!" Araxdelan glanced around herself. The warehouse was gone. She was back at her boring party. With her boring, inanimate cake. //Sigh... can't even have a good fantasy...// "Well, aren't you going to make a wish and blow out the candles?" Araxdelan didn't even have to think before she closed her eyes, and puffed out the flames. //C'mon...c'mon...// She opened her eyes. //Damn. Still here!// Instead of seeing a Mulder/Krycek layer cake, she saw a boring vanilla cake, with the words "Happy Birthday Araxdelan" one it. //Phooey. Not even the "Happy Birthday Fag Hag" cake!// She closed her eyes, and conjured up the warehouse, only to be startled out of her reprieve upon hearing the screams emitted as her brother and best friend tried to kill each other. She stared at the tendrils of smoke curling up from the recently extinguished candles, and sighed. //Maybe next year...// The End