Title: Saved And Beloved Author: Lissa E-mail: alexeevv@cadvision.com Disclaimer: Fox, 1013 and CC own them. I do not unfortunately, otherwise I would... Oh never mind. Rating: PG-13 Category: S, Krycek's POV Keywords: Slash, Mulder/Krycek Spoilers: None. Although maybe Terma/Tunguska a little. Summary: Alex takes Mulder to Russia. Archive: DO NOT ARCHIVE Feedback: Please! I would really love to hear your voice. alexeevv@cadvision.com Warning: Takes place in Russia so it's kind of crazy. It is also sappy, waffy, angsty, schmoopy, clichéd, banal and many other not very attractive things. Author's notes: Well, what can I say? I began with a very clear purpose, but at the end it turned out to be a completely different thing. It is for Araxdelan, for Lone Gungirl (thank you for being such a sweetie), Happy Fallen Angel, Kelly (only love for the boys), Morgan (all WAFF in the world), Debra (all craziness), Eva (for her lovely story), Niccie (for the fragments) and for all slashers. Thank you for loving Alex and Fox but most important, thank you for loving them together. Again, wonderful Lone Gungirl saved this story from being one big mistake. Saved And Beloved Many lives ago... I was kneeling on the hard, icy, sharp snow of the frozen spring and tears were streaming down my face, disappearing in the harsh, dirty whiteness of the land, awakened too early. The stormy wind, whistling and weeping, was dancing around me. Wet, frozen hair was falling on my face. I was deaf and blind to any pain because my heart had stopped. The hands of strangers lifted me and carried me away and since then there was nothing but falling, falling, falling... That moment on the icy dirt I vowed I would never come back to my land that gave me nothing but misery. But I am here now. I want you to see my home, I want you to see, to understand what I am fighting for, what I kill for, steal, lie and betray for. You think I betrayed you, your country, mine. Yes, yes I did. But first of all I betrayed my mother's faith, the embrace of my father, my brother's handshake, the warm kiss of my sister. I was not allowed to come here, but now you are with me and love is in my heart. And I am here in my home now. My home that was built so long ago. Many worlds have gone into eternity since that day. But my home is still alive. Built by the hands of a lover from the white stony lace. Built by the hands of a mother from the warm earth, wet because of her tears. Built by the hands of a brother from the scarlet blood shed by him in the battle. Destruction came to us but this land was saved. That is how we call it. Saved. I swore to never return here but you have to see it. This is the image I carry in my heart. You and this land. You remind me of it. So sad and so beautiful. Why is there so much pain in both of you? I am crying. But my tears are caught by your fingers. Your palms are soft and soothing on my face. God knows how happy I was. I had wings and a glassy heart. Do you remember the legend? I came so close to the sun it burnt me. And I fell on the ground so hard my heart, made of glass, broke into many pieces. They were everywhere. They were crying somewhere there but I did not cry anymore. My wings... They were soft, strong and faithful. My heart was made of the clearest glass, shining with purity, proud in its unmarked innocence. And because of it my life was even blacker after the fall. So dark it was there that I did not see how she approached. So lucid was my heart before. I had never known her. And that was why I did not recognize her face, her ugly, her so dear, cruel, achingly beautiful face. She came to me and said that you had found the fragments of my heart and it belonged to you then. My heart was in the dirt of my home and I never thought it would be in your hands. You have it now. Throw it away! Throw away the black heart of the evil. It will hurt you. And if you do not want to throw it away then give me your oath to hold it forever in your hands. The moment you let it go I'll leave. I promise you to leave the day your eyes will look with sadness and silent request to let you be and not to disturb your life. But now let me hold you, let me hold on to you. For only one moment let me have you. Let me kiss you, your gentle lips, your face, your so beautiful, radiant face, let me touch you, let me fall on my knees before you and worship you this night. Let me be drunk with you this night. Let me be drowned in you. I cannot breath this air that is so full of you, so full of the sweetness of flowers. I am crying. And you are crying too, and my heart is aching. And so sad and happy is your face now and marvelous in its beauty. And your hands around me are so tight it almost hurts. But no, do not let me go. We will make love here: Under the trees with the thick, green-black foliage, on the softest silk of the grass, soft as your hands, on the white marble of the floor, warmed by the sun. We are gasping in the bittersweet aroma of the earth, grass under our bodies, tasting the bitterness of our tears, feeling the cold stone touching our skin. There is the endless sky over us. The dark violet, blue-black blanket is covering us. It does not cry this night and I am happy. Stars. How many of them are there over my home! Take this land. I am giving it to you now. I did not deserve it but I am giving it to you. And maybe I will be allowed to come home. The End Lissa June 21, 1999