What I've Wanted to Say

What I've Wanted to Say


I just spent a little over two hours working on this story. The initial concept came to me when I was working on the beginnings of a little M/K collage/photofake thingy. I needed some inspirational words to put in the background of the picture, and I came up with
"It was then that I realized you were all that mattered to me
All I want is to fill my life with you...
... Only You"

I had a bit of a ERUEKA! moment soon after I saved the file and signed off the big computer (AKA the fast computer in the living room) and ran to my little computer (slow one in my bedroom) to get cracking.

I had originally thought that Mulder would say these words in a brief flash of insight while he and Krycek worked together in his apartment, and romance (and possibly sex) would ensue. But I kept repeating the phrase in my head as "It was then that I realized you were all that mattered to me. All I wanted was to fill my life up with you... only you." It was wrong.

And, since I wanted to stay true to the original phrase, I went with the letter format. All thought at first it wasn't going to be a letter. Sometime around the petting in the car scene I decided that it was definitely a letter. And the other parts of the plot just popped into my mind.

But don't ask me how I got from "In Mulder's apartment working" to "Shot and bleeding". It's probably because I'm a drama queen, and because the apartment thing wasn't flowing within the letter format. The apartment scene wouldn't end right without sex, and I decided that Mulder would be telling Krycek about his love *before* any sex took place.

I'm a bit unhappy with the beginning, because it doesn't seem to fit in with the "Mulder telling Krycek how he feels" plot so well. But a re-write wouldn't work out well. I'm a notoriously bad re-writer.

I think my favorite part is when Mulder talks about them falling asleep in bed together. It's not particularly well-written, and I usually name the most eloquently worded scenes my favorite. But this one was such a vivid picture that popped up in my mind while I was writing the washing scene. I love the idea.

I always write with music, but I've been going through a tough musical stage. I don't feel like hearing any female singers, and finding a properly mooded song from among the male bands I listen to was hard. I'm going through a *major* Cure stage, and I wanted to listen to my newest Cure CD- "Staring at the Sea" which is the singles from '79 to '85. But none of the songs would do, so I decided to play with them later. I mentally flipped through all my other CDs without finding anything suitable, and came *this* close to using "Melt with You" by Modern English as my background song. [Note: I only play one song over and over while writing] That would have been *so* wrong, and the story would probably be a lot sappier right now. I finally resigned myself to playing "Disintegration" (the album, not the song) by The Cure. I didn't want to play it because it's all I've been listening to for the past two months, and I thought I needed a change. But I put it in, and ended up playing "Homesick". But I didn't hit the repeat and ended up on the next track, "Untitled", and that became this story's song.

Music is very important to me when I write. It sets my mood, and the story's mood. One day I'll have to make a list for every song I've used on a each story. Those that I rsent for LoneGungirl. Puppy Tale II, which was supposed to be her Xmas present, and then New Year's present, was going to be a B-Day present, but that story is going nowhere. I was down to the last minute here, before God blessed me with this story. I'm glad my writers block is over.

Now I'm off to pee, and then I have to start on the sequel for this story. The WAFFers need a Valentine, and I know just how I want the sequel to go. It's best if I write it while it's fresh on my mind. Stupid, considering how tired I am, but Valentine's Day is Monday, and this story might not want to play tomorrow.

Related entries
Sequel- The Clearest Answer/Snippet: Too Long
Later in this series- Swingers